I
remember phases in life being entertained by specific genres of film and
television. There was a phase of fascination, which I found in transporting
through time with Marty McFly, or scouring space in search of ‘the force’ with
Luke Skywalker. It was a miracle to walk with dinosaurs in Jurassic Park, and
to question with Neo if there really was a spoon. I felt intense horror in seeing the carnage
of the shores of Normandy depicted in Saving Private Ryan. In all my years
exploring any form or expression of art, theatre, or film, only one has
continually and consistently stood above the rest; Comedy. Of all the figures
and characters I have seen and heard, again, only one stands continually and
consistently above the rest; Robin Williams.
As
a child, I would watch cartoons, and mimic the voices I heard. I would repeat
the tone and cadence until speaking in other voices was as natural as my own. I
would seamlessly switch from voice to voice, accent to accent, and I saw the
world as a splendidly diverse place because of it. My imagination began to run
wild with creating new characters as new worlds came to life in my mind. Somehow it felt strange to know I lived a
different life in my mind than what could be seen on the outside; I felt weird.
The people around me seemed so present in the “real world” while I was so far
from it in my mind. I couldn’t understand what was wrong with me. I felt more at home in the fantasy world of
cartoons and movies than in my own room.
The voices and accents were my way of bringing the world of my mind to
the world of my hands. I could play at school and feel comfortable in my own
skin, because I had found a way to translate who I was, to the world I lived
in.
Perhaps
this is why the influence of Robin Williams stands out so much. As a child, I
felt I had to be concerned with “growing up.” I thought I would eventually have
to put behind the joy of childhood and just “be.” Robin gave me permission to
play. He showed me that the world cherishes and appreciates people who can grow
up and still keep the joy and fantasy world of childhood alive. It is no real shock to find out that a man
who brought such joy to others would feel so dark and alone behind closed
doors. In the end, even the ones who see the joy of life the brightest have to
face the realities of its darkness. Being that man is like living constantly in
the instant in childhood where the joy of Christmas is clouded by the initial
realization that Santa isn’t real. It has hard to reconcile that the holiday
must go on with the fact that it is not what you thought it was. Those lights
that shine the brightest endure the most heat, and suffer the realities of
their purpose.
Jokes
and laughter are like a firecracker in our dark souls. They illuminate so
brightly for a short time, and allow us to see even if temporarily. Somehow, their
light becomes the reason we can’t clearly see the real lights of life that are dim but true. So much focus is set on the light of happiness
when we have it that when the light is gone, somehow the darkness seems all the
darker. It's as though our eyes have to readjust to reality. Happiness comes and goes with the weather and
ebbs and flows with the fluidity of bank accounts it is a moment of laughter that soon fades and is forgotten. It is a cheap, temporary
substitute for true joy. Joy comes not
from seeing light, but knowing the light will come, even in the midst of the
darkness. Joy lasts because it is not rooted in right now, but because it is
rooted in something eternal and true. Joy doesn’t come from the Eternal
Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, but from Faith and Hope.
Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.” John 8:12
As
a human I have endured much pain and affliction. I have endured rejections,
physical pain and disease, depression, and suicidal thoughts. There have been
times I have walked away from God and had to recognize my own capacity for sin
and the pride that blinded me from its’ destruction. I have felt deep, abiding
hopelessness, and struggled to continue for one more day in the darkness of my
own thoughts. In those times, the light
seemed very far, but the light never went out. I can now look at the times I
have been most faithless as the times that God has been most faithful. I know
and trust in His grace all the more for having been afflicted.
“My brothers, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its’ perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:2-4
If
there is one thing I have found to be true in life it is that if I am patient,
things pass. For everything I have faced there has eventually come strength to
endure it. Even when the darkness surrounded me I fixed my eyes on the light,
and in time I find rest. The light always breaks through the darkness when that
light is the Light of the World. Follow Him, and the dawn will break on a new
and glorious adventure. It may not always be easy and it may not be filled with
the things of this world; because the things of the world burn bright and fade
quickly. Hope endures, and hope gives birth to Joy.
As Thankful as I am to Mr. Williams for giving me permission to play, I wish
only that I could return the favor to give him hope to live. That light has
burned out, and now all we see is the false promise of happiness once again failing
to last longer than the last laugh. Perhaps that’s why we never see Christ
cutting up with his disciples. We never hear Jesus tell his followers about two
Rabbi’s walking into a bar. There is much joy and wonder in the gospels for
such a serious figure as Christ. So when you have your last laugh, will the
light remain? Christ is more than a laugh, more than a Band-Aid for our aching
hearts; he is the only enduring Hope for our broken and fallen condition. I
wonder if God created us to experience laughter as a small piece of the Joy of
eternity; and I suspect that glimpse has been hijacked to create a counterfeit
that has deceived so many in the pursuit of happiness.
“Joy, which was the small publicity of the pagan, is the gigantic secret of the Christian. And as I close this chaotic volume I open again the strange small book from which all Christianity came; and I am again haunted by a kind of confirmation. The tremendous figure which fills the Gospels towers in this respect, as in every other, above all the thinkers who ever thought themselves tall. His pathos was natural, almost casual. The Stoics, ancient and modern, were proud of concealing their tears. He never concealed His tears; He showed them plainly on His open face at any daily sight, such as the far sight of His native city. Yet He concealed something. Solemn supermen and imperial diplomatists are proud of restraining their anger. He never restrained His anger. He flung furniture down the front steps of the Temple, and asked men how they expected to escape the damnation of Hell. Yet He restrained something. I say it with reverence; there was in that shattering personality a thread that must be called shyness. There was something that He hid from all men when He went up a mountain to pray. There was something that He covered constantly by abrupt silence or impetuous isolation. There was some one thing that was too great for God to show us when He walked upon our earth; and I have sometimes fancied that it was His mirth.” G.K. Chesterton- Orthodoxy
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