An Ode to Joy- Reflections on a life of Happiness

I remember phases in life being entertained by specific genres of film and television. There was a phase of fascination, which I found in transporting through time with Marty McFly, or scouring space in search of ‘the force’ with Luke Skywalker. It was a miracle to walk with dinosaurs in Jurassic Park, and to question with Neo if there really was a spoon.  I felt intense horror in seeing the carnage of the shores of Normandy depicted in Saving Private Ryan. In all my years exploring any form or expression of art, theatre, or film, only one has continually and consistently stood above the rest; Comedy. Of all the figures and characters I have seen and heard, again, only one stands continually and consistently above the rest; Robin Williams.

As a child, I would watch cartoons, and mimic the voices I heard. I would repeat the tone and cadence until speaking in other voices was as natural as my own. I would seamlessly switch from voice to voice, accent to accent, and I saw the world as a splendidly diverse place because of it. My imagination began to run wild with creating new characters as new worlds came to life in my mind.  Somehow it felt strange to know I lived a different life in my mind than what could be seen on the outside; I felt weird. The people around me seemed so present in the “real world” while I was so far from it in my mind. I couldn’t understand what was wrong with me.  I felt more at home in the fantasy world of cartoons and movies than in my own room.  The voices and accents were my way of bringing the world of my mind to the world of my hands. I could play at school and feel comfortable in my own skin, because I had found a way to translate who I was, to the world I lived in.

Perhaps this is why the influence of Robin Williams stands out so much. As a child, I felt I had to be concerned with “growing up.” I thought I would eventually have to put behind the joy of childhood and just “be.” Robin gave me permission to play. He showed me that the world cherishes and appreciates people who can grow up and still keep the joy and fantasy world of childhood alive.  It is no real shock to find out that a man who brought such joy to others would feel so dark and alone behind closed doors. In the end, even the ones who see the joy of life the brightest have to face the realities of its darkness. Being that man is like living constantly in the instant in childhood where the joy of Christmas is clouded by the initial realization that Santa isn’t real. It has hard to reconcile that the holiday must go on with the fact that it is not what you thought it was. Those lights that shine the brightest endure the most heat, and suffer the realities of their purpose. 

Jokes and laughter are like a firecracker in our dark souls. They illuminate so brightly for a short time, and allow us to see even if temporarily.  Somehow, their light becomes the reason we can’t clearly see the real lights of life that are dim but true. So much focus is set on the light of happiness when we have it that when the light is gone, somehow the darkness seems all the darker. It's as though our eyes have to readjust to reality.  Happiness comes and goes with the weather and ebbs and flows with the fluidity of bank accounts it is a moment of laughter that soon fades and is forgotten. It is a cheap, temporary substitute for true joy. Joy comes not from seeing light, but knowing the light will come, even in the midst of the darkness. Joy lasts because it is not rooted in right now, but because it is rooted in something eternal and true. Joy doesn’t come from the Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, but from Faith and Hope.

Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.” John 8:12

As a human I have endured much pain and affliction. I have endured rejections, physical pain and disease, depression, and suicidal thoughts. There have been times I have walked away from God and had to recognize my own capacity for sin and the pride that blinded me from its’ destruction. I have felt deep, abiding hopelessness, and struggled to continue for one more day in the darkness of my own thoughts. In those times, the light seemed very far, but the light never went out. I can now look at the times I have been most faithless as the times that God has been most faithful. I know and trust in His grace all the more for having been afflicted.

“My brothers, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its’ perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:2-4

If there is one thing I have found to be true in life it is that if I am patient, things pass. For everything I have faced there has eventually come strength to endure it. Even when the darkness surrounded me I fixed my eyes on the light, and in time I find rest. The light always breaks through the darkness when that light is the Light of the World. Follow Him, and the dawn will break on a new and glorious adventure. It may not always be easy and it may not be filled with the things of this world; because the things of the world burn bright and fade quickly. Hope endures, and hope gives birth to Joy.

As Thankful as I am to Mr. Williams for giving me permission to play, I wish only that I could return the favor to give him hope to live. That light has burned out, and now all we see is the false promise of happiness once again failing to last longer than the last laugh. Perhaps that’s why we never see Christ cutting up with his disciples. We never hear Jesus tell his followers about two Rabbi’s walking into a bar. There is much joy and wonder in the gospels for such a serious figure as Christ. So when you have your last laugh, will the light remain? Christ is more than a laugh, more than a Band-Aid for our aching hearts; he is the only enduring Hope for our broken and fallen condition. I wonder if God created us to experience laughter as a small piece of the Joy of eternity; and I suspect that glimpse has been hijacked to create a counterfeit that has deceived so many in the pursuit of happiness.

“Joy, which was the small publicity of the pagan, is the gigantic secret of the Christian. And as I close this chaotic volume I open again the strange small book from which all Christianity came; and I am again haunted by a kind of confirmation. The tremendous figure which fills the Gospels towers in this respect, as in every other, above all the thinkers who ever thought themselves tall. His pathos was natural, almost casual. The Stoics, ancient and modern, were proud of concealing their tears. He never concealed His tears; He showed them plainly on His open face at any daily sight, such as the far sight of His native city. Yet He concealed something. Solemn supermen and imperial diplomatists are proud of restraining their anger. He never restrained His anger. He flung furniture down the front steps of the Temple, and asked men how they expected to escape the damnation of Hell. Yet He restrained something. I say it with reverence; there was in that shattering personality a thread that must be called shyness. There was something that He hid from all men when He went up a mountain to pray. There was something that He covered constantly by abrupt silence or impetuous isolation. There was some one thing that was too great for God to show us when He walked upon our earth; and I have sometimes fancied that it was His mirth.” G.K. Chesterton- Orthodoxy

“And Nobody Gets Hurt”

I have to admit, I love a good crime movie. From masked men, gunshots and high-speed chases to strategic planning, pinpoint accuracy, and choreographed movements, it all mesmerizes me. As kids, it seems like an innate tendency to play cops and robbers. There is always the good guy, the bad guy, and sometimes even good cop/bad cop strategies at play. Some kids gain enjoyment in playing the good guy; some prefer to be the bad guy. I confess I am the latter! In real life, I am not much of a bad guy; my conscience doesn’t allow for too much deviation. For those who know me well (i.e. work with me), you might disagree, because I play the part of the “bad guy” so well. Ultimately, this only stems from a desire to do my job to the best of my ability, and occasionally that means stepping on toes. In a way, that’s what I am doing now by writing this, as what I am about to say may step on some toes. From the movies to the playground, there is a line I have observed to be essential in the presentation of any good bad guy. I think it bears repeating, and I will hopefully identify the underlying intention. One of the quintessential lines in any good bank robberies is “Give me the money, and nobody gets hurt!”

What a delightful lie! It must be reassuring to a bank robbery victim, fictional or not, to hear such a direct statement of intention. It’s probably on par with hearing “everything is going to be okay” while you are staring down the barrel of Dick Cheney’s shotgun. It sure might be okay, but the fact is, it’s a violation of context, and everything is already not okay simply by virtue of the situation. It may be true that no one will be shot in the midst of a stick up, but the stick up itself is a violation. Assurance is taken out of context, and the assurance itself becomes a compounded violation. 

As all good games of cops and robbers should, there is a winner and a loser. As imaginary shots are finally fired, someone has to fall in defeat, even if in a dramatic and theatrical way. In recollection of all my childhood games of cops and robbers, I don’t ever recall the robber every falling back on the defense “but nobody got hurt!” If you remove the context, this is true, and a viable defense; however, the context remains, and letting the criminal go on these grounds is again, a compounded violation. What this looks like today is when all the kids get a trophy for “winning” just for playing. Maybe it’s just me, but in the game of cops and robbers, I think there ought to be a winner and a loser, preferably the bad guy. In competition, there ought to be a winner and a loser, because without it there is no context for the game, and you just have a bunch of kids running around kicking a ball. The context is the foundation for the principle, and without it, there is no “winner.” Of course, we don’t want anyone to get hurt, right?

According to the Gallup Research Organization, approximately 118 million Americans report attending some sort of Sunday morning church service. According to church attendance polls, the number of average church attendees is actually somewhere around 63 million. By the way, America, “Don’t Lie” is the ninth commandment. That one’s free. I’m not so much concerned with the number of people who report they attend church, as I am with what they might experience when they actually do attend. I can speak from experience on this one, as I have attended church at probably upward of 100 different churches around the country. I’ve been to Catholic, Episcopalian, Lutheran, Methodist, Pentecostal, Baptist, and several non-denominational churches, and found they all have one thing in common; I walked away feeling good. Everybody “won!” In passing conversations with professed Christians, I’ve been encouraged with platitudes like “God is good, all the time; all the time, God is good!” Congregations are lead in songs about the goodness and greatness of God, triumph, and the power of faith. In worship, we are reminded about the benefits of knowing God. We are encouraged by what He can and will do in our lives. Amen! We sing songs of victory, and faith, and we dance, and raise our hands, and are thankful to God for His goodness. We remind each other of verses like Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Who doesn’t love Jeremiah 29:11, “I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord; plans to prosper you, not to harm you, to give you a hope, and a future.” “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God,” according to Romans 8:28. The songs, the sermons, the liturgy, the platitudes all reinforce the benefits of knowing and following Christ.

Of these approximately 63 million who attend church each Sunday, or the 118 million who say they attend, I wonder how many of them know that Paul was in prison when he wrote his letter to the Philippians. I wonder how many of them have heard or read any other verse in Jeremiah. I wonder how many of them are aware of the timing of Romans 8:28. Sunday after Sunday, the theology of so many is formed through worship services across the country. It is a theology of worship. It is a theology of the goodness of God. It is a theology of platitudes and encouragement, where everyone wins. The character of God is put under a microscope to amplify His goodness, His grace, and His love. It is good teaching, and it is bad theology. As difficult as it is for me to admit this, I have to confess that the character of God is misrepresented in our worship.

“Sing the songs and say the prayers, and nobody gets hurt!”

What a delightful lie! How reassuring to know that everything will be alright, because “God is good, ALL THE TIME!” How wonderful it is to believe that God will prosper me, and give me hope, and a future! How encouraging to know that because Christ strengthens me, I can do what I want to, and accomplish anything! Everything might actually be all right right now, but this is an abominable violation of context. Everything will be all right because God is good; “nobody gets hurt.” This is a compounded violation of the character of God, and the context of His word.

In Jeremiah 29, the prophet has written a letter to the people who were taken captive from Jerusalem to Babylon. In this letter, he tells them what the Lord has spoken. To paraphrase it, it sounds something like this, “Get comfortable, you’re going to be there a while! Oh, and don’t listen to the false prophets or your own dreams that tell you otherwise. In about seventy years, ‘I’ll be back,’ and I’ll get you out of there.” So after seventy years of going about their business in captivity in a foreign land, we find the goodness of God to the rescue.

“Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” –Philippians 4:11-13

Paul is writing from a 1^st century Roman prison. If you’re unfamiliar with the practices of 1^st century Rome, it is different than 21^st century #firstworldproblems. For Paul to speak about contentment in whatever state he is speaks volumes to his endurance and faith. By context, it seems that doing all things through Christ is related more to enduring hardship and struggle than to getting a new job or scoring a touchdown, wouldn’t you say Timmy? “Hey, I’m in prison, but I got this, God is good!”

“For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God.” –Romans 8:20-21

First, ‘get comfortable in captivity’, then ‘be content, even in prison’, now we’re talking about creation itself being in ‘bondage of corruption?’ “God is good, all the time; all the time, God is good.” When we pull back the microscope of God’s character, we find that God is not always so good (at least, not for our health). God is not good all the time, but God is God all the time. When we overlook the fullness of the character of God, we miss the big picture. Life in communion with Christ is not about what He can do for us, but what He might do with us. What if our worship included something like this:

“If we had forgotten the name of our God,
Or stretched out our hands to a foreign god,
Would not God search this out?
For He knows the secrets of the heart.
Yet for Your sake we are killed all day long;
We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.                                                             Awake! Why do you sleep, O Lord?                                                                            Arise! Do not cast us off forever.                                                                                    Why do You hide Your face,                                                                                           And forget our affliction and our oppression?                                                                   For our soul is bowed down to the dust;                                                                           Our body clings to the ground.                                                                                       Arise for our help,                                                                                                            And redeem us for Your mercies’ sake.                                                                                 -Psalm 44:20-26

In the eternal game of cops and robbers, there will be a winner, and there will be a loser. Not everybody gets a trophy. It was in a beautiful garden the game began, and it was on an ugly cross that God drew a line in the sand. He is not always good, but he is always God, and God is always righteous. There will be a winner, and somebody gets hurt! 

“Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter:
Fear God and keep His commandments,
For this is man’s all.
For God will bring every work into judgment,
Including every secret thing,
Whether good or evil.”
-Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

We are faced with a culture that is obsessed with pleasure, comfort, and acceptance, and the harsh reality of the gospel is offensive. It is a violation of the corrupted will of man. The sinful nature is intrinsically opposed to recognize its subjection to the judgment of God. In an attempt to make the gospel relevant, it is important that we do not water it down, and strip it of its power. The reality is, we will be attacked, rejected, misunderstood, and we will be hated for the sake of the gospel. But there is hope! Let this be a message of hope for the reward that comes from diligent service to the challenge of following Christ. We are promised strength in the midst of struggle, hope in the midst of suffering, and grace in exchange for sin. Walking with God is not always easy, but it is always the right path. 

Fear and Loathing, and Mans’ Best Friend

Toby 

When I was a kid, my family always had dogs. Yes, dogs- plural. I guess lately, I have considered the strange fact that there are animals we claim as our own. It’s strange to reflect upon the “domestication” of animals, yet it is something I am confronted with most everyday. I see people walking their dogs around my neighborhood, bringing them to work, following them around with the infamous plastic bag. Scenes that should seem odd somehow seem so commonplace.

I remember very specifically a scene from my childhood that has plagued me with fear for many years. I remember very vividly the arrangement of furniture, the location of the television, everything. It was a fall weekend, and I was enjoying a Friday night sleepover at my best friends’ house. Amidst the chaos of our very existence (RC cars, sandbox dozers, and running amuck in the corn fields, etc.), his parents were watching a movie. It was an adult movie- no, not an ADULT movie- just a movie not suitable for children under a certain age. I don’t recall any sexuality, graphic violence, or crude language. In fact, I don’t even recall the role of a human in the scene; I just remember the aggressive actions, intimidating nature, and sinister presentation of wolves. There were multiple wolves, standing in the shadows of a snow encrusted pine forest snarling and howling, growling and attacking. Maybe my eyes were opened by this moment to a world I had previously failed to see; maybe it was a loss of innocence. I’m not sure what happened to me in that moment, but I do know it was a pivotal moment in my development.

Suddenly there was a contradiction forming in my mind about animals. There was suddenly a separation between wild and domestic; and furthermore, a fear of what was wild. In the years that followed, the fear I had gained of wolves in that moment was perpetuated by a laundry list of cultural pieces aimed at the disintegration of human relations with the wild relative of our canine friends. There was a big bad wolf pursuing a poor red hooded girl. There was the wolf with apparently limitless capacity for huffing and puffing chasing around three poor little pigs. It was okay to cry wolf, but make sure you knew for certain that was what was bumping in the night. In developmental literature, there were White Fangs to be feared, and The Call of the Wild to beware. In more modern works, wolves are still portrayed as vicious, wily predators. The message remains mostly the same, though the players have adapted. For instance, should you ever find yourself in love with a vampire, beware that one of your closest friends just might be a werewolf. Of course, beware the Wolf Pack running around the desert, and apparently for some reason Thailand. It really shouldn’t be too hard to admit there is some overarching sense of enmity between men and wolves, while the domestic dog is kindly known as ‘Mans’ Best Friend.’

What I’m trying to get at here is that what we call a friend, and what we call an enemy is often not all that different. Sometimes, perhaps our friends and enemies are of the same type; even the same family. As a child, I slept most comfortably with my dog by my side, and even as an adult I doubt I would sleep comfortably with a wolf in my neighborhood. Fear has caused us to drive the wolf to the edges of the earth, and to the brink of extinction in many places. All the while, our domestic partnership with the dog has reached new heights, in which they are no longer simply hunting companions, and protectors, but we entertain ourselves with their character, carry them in handbags, and take a friendship between man and beast to new levels.

As I have gotten older, the nightmarish fear I once had of wolves has turned to a healthy respect for their nature. Familiarity with my enemy has brought a level of sympathy that is impossible without understanding.

“In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him. I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves. And then, in that very moment when I love them.... I destroy them.”
― Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game

In simple observation of human nature, I wonder if there isn’t some tendency to desire enmity in the same way we desire friendship. Perhaps it is only through our perception of enmity we are able to create our most thorough definition of friendship. Were there no enemy to stand against, the need and desire for friends would have less appeal. Likewise, if we did not desire friendship, “true friendship,” would we have need of enemies through which our friends prove their loyalty?

When I was in third grade, I was playing soccer at recess with some of my classmates. At some point in our play, the ball was kicked wayward, ending up in the midst of a class outcast. This was a moment of decision for him, and what he chose stapled his place in the social order of the class. He picked up the ball and punted it in the opposite direction. Since I was the closest to the ball when it went wayward, I was on my way to get it. His decision did not sit well with me, and rather than let it go I decided that I needed to let him know what I thought of his decision. As the tension escalated between us, he shoved me, resulting in him being sent to the office to speak with the principle. As I rejoined my peers in playing soccer, I was welcomed with affirmation for my part in confronting what had just become an enemy to many; suddenly making me a valuable and trustworthy friend. As a third grader, creating an enemy opened doors of friendship with those whom I felt otherwise alienated from. Years passed by, and incident after incident occurred with this same kid, and each incident escalated the tension between us; all the while I was socially rewarded for my stance against his inability (or unwillingness) to fit in. Pushed to the edges of the social order, his behavior became more and more risky, and his action became more and more violent. As I have moved forward in my life, and the friends I made for my actions are a distant memory, he has been spending his days in prison. It is likely he is surrounded by others like him, who have been sacrificed on the altars of social acceptance.

Years have come and gone, and I have given much consideration to what I learned on the playground that day. I was indeed introduced to an enemy that day, but the enemy was not one of flesh and bone. The true enemy was in fact, an idea; the thought that what benefits us at the expense of another is acceptable, or even commendable. I doubt anyone has escaped this pernicious lie. There is a system in place designed and designated to create enmity between us, rather than to solidify an alliance between us against what is our real enemy. We are exposed to it everyday, it is reinforced daily by our very existence, and we seem to walk around completely unaware of it. We embrace what is familiar, pulling closer and closer that which we know and understand. Meanwhile, what we do not understand is feared, and pushed further and further away. The fear creates hatred, and hatred becomes the natural outworking of misunderstanding.

“No one has an absolute right to govern others. It ought only to be done for he benefit of those who are governed. And it is as much the duty of anyone who governs us to avoid war as it is the duty of a captain of a ship to avoid shipwreck.
 When a captain has let a ship come to ruin, he is judged and condemned, if he is found guilty of negligence of even incapacity.
 Why should not the government be put on its trial after every declaration of war? If the people understood that, if they themselves passed judgment on murderous governments, if they refused to let themselves be killed for nothing, if they would only turn their arms against those who have given them to them for massacre, on that day war would be no more. But that day will never come.” –Guy de Maupassant

“The destiny of a whole generation depends on the hour to which some ill-fated politician may give the signal that will be followed. We know that the best of us will be cut down and our work destroyed in embryo. We know it and tremble with rage, but can do nothing. We are held fast in the toils of officialdom and red tape, and too rude a shock would be needed to set us free. We are enslaved by the laws setup for our protection, which have become our protection. We are but the tools of that aristocratic abstraction the state, which enslaves each individual in the name of the will of all, who would all, taken individually, desire exactly the opposite of what they will be made to do. And if it were only a generation that must be sacrificed! But there are graver interests at stake.” –Edouard Rod

It is important to contextualize these quotes not so much in their advocacy for revolution against governmental declarations of war, but as a cry to stand against the systems and ideas that create enmity between people and nations. The product of not understanding each other is fear, the product of our fear is hate, and the product of our hate is war. What if we waged war, not on each other, but on the lies that drive enmity between us? What if we sought more to understand, and less to destroy? What if we individually agreed to flex our collective power to seek peace?

“All the congresses of both hemispheres may vote against war, and against dueling too, but above all arbitrations, conventions, and legislations there will always be the personal honor of individual men, which has always demanded dueling, and the interests of nations, which will always demand war.” –Camille Doucet
 “The upshot of this is that personal honor requires men to fight, and the interests of nations require them to ruin and exterminate each other. As for the efforts to abolish war, they call for nothing but a smile” –Leo Tolstoy

Perhaps it is not the Wolf who has chosen enmity with the human, but the human that has chosen enmity with the Wolf. When my focus is set on what I gain through enmity, I fail to see what I lose. When I am set on what I fear in another, I fail to see what another might fear in me. Perhaps if I understood more what makes me the wolf, I would see it less in others, and I could realize that I am the outcast. I am estranged; I am alone. I am afraid because I am feared.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the just and the unjust.
For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?
And if you greet your brethren only; what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?
Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.”
Matthew 5:43-48

Perfect? So let us begin the process of perfection. Let us not be violent toward what we fear. Let us not fear what we don’t understand. May we seek to understand our enemies; may we pray for them, that God might change their hearts. Most of all, may we pray that God would change our hearts.

“The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb” Isaiah 11:6